Whitney: Be Who You Are
First and foremost R.I.P. to one of the most amazing vocal talents to grace this world. Whitney Houston’s talent and caliber as a performer is so high that almost no one else has or ever will reach it. She disappeared from the scene far too early and was never able to make a full recovery/comeback. I did not know her personally but I do have a sense that she wasn’t surrounded by good people. For far too long that seems to be the case. I hope for her Bobbi Christina’s sake that Whitney was on the road to health. This loss is so sudden, as most are, and one can only hope that she was happy. The reason that I am so intrigued by this story is that, although I have never had a drug problem, I am on a transformational journey. I think that we all are, always. The universe is constantly changing and we are part of it so how could it be possible for us to not change? I don’t like to sit still and find myself getting into trouble when I sit still. That’s always been my downfall. The trouble I speak of isn’t drugs or alcohol or crime it’s complacency, laziness, dread, depression. When I sit still and am not doing the things I am supposed to be doing and am not being creative I am a mess. Next month I will be 28. Whitney died today at 48. If I am going to die at 48 I need to know then that these next 20 years I did all I could to be a creative soul that inspires others. However it comes about it’s what I need to do. I can’t do the things that I need to do if I’m sitting on my ass playing temple run on my damned iPhone. I can’t write papers or reports if I’m facebooking. I need to get words out and write that’s why I’m on here… I don’t consider this to be a waste of time because it is my therapy. But the others… complete and total waste. You’re probably wondering what I’ve been doing as I seem to always be writing about this…If you read back a few posts ago I wrote down all my journal entries from this one book I found from highschool. They were all so pathetic. Haha. Well, that’s what I think of who I was. Pathetically lost. I had no real guidance as far as love and relationships are concerned. I have always been an open book and not afraid to speak up when somethings wrong. I like to take care of others but have never really taken care of myself. Each year though, and well more recently, each month and week and day, I take care of myself more and more. I love my life and love being alive and want to live the most fulfilled life possible. I can’t do that if I am not taking care of myself and my loved ones. I work hard. I am saving money. Buying things that I want to buy. My credit is finally awesome and keeps getting more and more awesome each month. Bills have shrunk drastically. My relationship is amazing. I’m closer with my parents and family more than ever before. I am back in school and although it’s taking some getting used to as I haven’t been a student in 6 years I am loving it. I am seeing my dreams coming true in real time. Why? Because I am just being me. No falsehoods. No impositions. I don’t need the approval of anybody else. If someone close to me tells me something that they don’t like about what I do it’s because they know that it’s not what I’m supposed to be doing. They know it’s not really me. And that’s good. It doesn’t happen often but when it does it’s a mini wake up call. And we all need that. We need people around us doing that. We all need people surrounding us that keep us in check and love us without exception. That love us unconditionally. That tell us when we are doing wrong and not being ourselves. It is imperative, for this to happen, that you love yourself. You will know when you’re not being yourself. If you are looking in the mirror at the outfit you put on and wondering what others will think… that’s not you. That’s your ego. That’s not really you and that’s what you need to get away from. You need to love you. If you love you fuck what anybody else thinks, right? So those posts from my old journal revealed a lot about who I was and who I still am. Sometimes I feel lost, and that’s okay. Just because I feel one thing there isn’t anyone saying that that is true but me. And if I don’t want it to be true then it isn’t. I know I’m NOT lost so when that bad feeling comes around I just kick it out. It really is that simple. I choose what I want. There are times of course when thing actually affect us one way or another and we must let them take us on that course… I’m not saying that if my mom died that i’d be sad for a second and then get over it… what I’m saying is that I trust myself and know myself and believe in myself and because of that I know when I’m lying to myself. Love and trust, and you’ll know.
:):)
